Thursday, October 25, 2007


First let me say that it must be really hard to be a black man these days for this reason alone; you are expected to approach us lovely ladies. I have to give you your respect because I think if I were you I would be alone many nights. Those of you who aren't exactly Denzel’s and Morris Chestnut’s should get the purple heart for your courage and audacity. I want to state for the record that women who have attitudes or roll their eyes for no good reason when a man approaches them should be eradicated. They are ruining it for the rest of us ladies who appreciate, and are flattered by, a strong man who knows how to come correct. This brings me to my rant. How do some of you fools have the nerve to get upset when you get cold shoulder from the ladies. Here's a list of the top 5 most common situations (all based on true stories) where you fools should known better:

5. If I was some sort of household pet like a cat, I would probably respond accordingly to those mating sounds, y’all like to do. Although I have a p*ssy, I am not one! Do not try to call me over by purring, hissing, or with any other exotic animal sounds, period!

4. If you are telling me your occupation because it is a high paying profession, don't get upset when I say “F*ck you and you can keep it moving. If you're going to treat me like a stereotypical Golddigger I'm going to treat you like a stereotypical D*ckhead.

3. Gossiping is not attractive to anyone so why in the world would you use that as a tactic to infiltrate my caller ID? First of all if there is more than one of you I am more likely to steer clear because it is a well known fact that men get more audacious when they around their boys. I'm just not trying to take the chance for you to embarrass me. Second, if I walk by you guys and you make a comment that you think is flattering to your boy about me just loud enough for me to hear I'm going to pretend like I didn't hear and roll my eyes when I get past you. You are the same man running around telling all your boys that you hit it. NOTE: This is especially true if your friend is another female. (Yes this has actually happened) Never involve another woman in your approach, this only tells me that this woman is going to be all in our business down the road.

2. There is a thin line between flattery and just plain rude. Don't get me wrong I can definitely appreciate a compliment, but don't go overboard. Telling me that I have a nice ass doesn't get my panties wet. If you think about it the size/shape of my ass provides no physical pleasure for me. If you’re going to go down this perilous route at least mention a body part that might evoke a mental fantasy like my lips or nipples. And whatever you do don't even think about giving me one of your little freaky compliments then touching me. All I'm going to do is reach for my Mace.

1. If you ask me for my number and I tell you “No!” because I have a boyfriend, it's my way of trying to turn you down as politely as possible. Come on now, think about it, why in the world would I tell you I have a boyfriend if I was looking for a "friend?" I usually don't seek out friends whose primary objective is to get in my pants. And if I was looking for a new man I wouldn't risk you thinking I'm a cheating ho by mentioning my current boyfriend. Now if I was looking for the cut buddy, my response to your come-on would probably be more along the lines of "I'll take your number 'cause I got a man and you can't be calling my phone. I'll hit you later when my man is asleep and I can creep out the house!"

The views expressed above are wholeheartedly supported by Keenan “Keeper of the Rants & Raves” Davis. I’ve talked about this a few times before, “Ain’t No Half Steppin’!!!” and “Be A Man About It”. Basically, it’s a simple rule, it takes balls to bag b*tches, if you really want an attractive woman on your arm, you gotta act like you a grown @ss man to get her. Step your game up!

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